How to Stubbornly Refuse to Be Upset by Anyone Again
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It's no fun to endeavor to convince a stubborn person to do what yous desire. Dealing with stubborn people tin can exist very frustrating and exhausting, whether y'all're talking to a co-worker or your own mother. Just if you sympathise that stubborn people are simply afraid of bruising their egos and doing something new, you lot can make them feel more than comfortable -- and convince them to see your side of the story. So how exercise you deal with a stubborn person without ripping your hair out in the process? Just follow forth.
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Start with a bit of flattery. 1 of the reasons that stubborn people are the way they are is because they hate to be wrong. They recollect that they know the all-time way to practise everything, and therefore, they may be a bit sensitive when they are told that in that location are other ways to do things; they may view a difference in stance as a personal attack even if you lot hateful no harm. And then, when y'all talk to stubborn people, try to make them feel good about themselves by offering them a bit of flattery first. Simply make certain it'southward sincere and that it doesn't sound like you're simply sucking up to become your way. Here are some means you can start off:
- "I know yous've been working then hard lately. I'm so impressed by how you're able to go along your act together during such a stressful time."
- "You e'er accept such neat ideas and I thought I'd throw one out for you."
- "I'one thousand so glad I got to see you today. I've missed hanging out with y'all."
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Show that you value their opinions. [ane] Another thing y'all have to practise to deal with stubborn people is to acknowledge their positions and evidence them that they really have a great thought. Don't make them call up that their idea is completely stupid, invalid, or poorly thought-out (even if yous feel that way), or their chances of listening to you will be approaching 0%. Make sure to echo their argument and evidence that yous do see the skillful in what the person is saying; that mode, the person will see that you practice value him or her too as his or her ideas. This will brand the person much more than open to listening to you.[2] Here are some things that yous tin can say:
- "I think going to get Italian is a great thought. I love the gnocchi at the Italian identify, and they have such a great vino selection. Withal..."
- "I know we didn't have the greatest time hanging out with Sarah and Mike last fourth dimension, and you're correct about them being a fiddling bit weird. But I really think we should give them some other chance."
- "Moving to San Francisco from Oakland would accept a lot of benefits, just similar y'all said. There would be more to do, we'd be living closer to the airdrome and we do travel a ton, and we'd be moving closer to our all-time friends. But having said that..."
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Don't tell them that they're incorrect. The last thing that a stubborn person wants to hear is that he or she is flat-out wrong. Don't ever say, "You're not looking at this correctly," or "You just don't get it, do you?" And definitely don't say, "How could you be so wrong?" This will alienate the person and make him or her shut down completely.[3] Make information technology articulate that he or she has some peachy ideas and that yous have considered them advisedly. They may be right for some other fourth dimension or situation, but right now, you'd like to do what yous want to exercise. Brand that very articulate.
- Say things like, "We both accept such great ideas" or "There are a lot of means to look at this situation" to show that you call up the person is "equally" right.[4]
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Show how the determination will do good them. Stubborn people are often stubborn because they are very invested in themselves and how their decisions tin can assistance them feel even meliorate and do what they want to exercise. So, if you lot want to stroke their egos a chip and make them think the decision is valid, you lot have to show how it can end upwardly benefiting them, even if it may seem a petty surprising. This volition pique their interest and volition make them much more than likely to requite in. Hither are some things that you lot tin can say:
- "I'd actually love to cheque out the new sushi place down the street. Remember you said you were having a craving for fried ice cream? I heard they take an amazing a diversity at that eating house."
- "Hanging out with Sarah and Mike should be fun, and what's more, I heard Mike has an extra ticket to the 49ers game and is looking for someone to get with him. I know you lot've been dying to get."
- "If we stay in Oakland instead of moving to San Francisco, we'll exist able to save on rent. Nosotros can apply that extra money to go to Republic of costa rica this summer, just similar you wanted to do."
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Make them call back they've come up with the idea on their own. This is some other trick to convincing the stubborn person to do what yous want. Make the person recollect that, in the course of your conversation, he or she had actually come upwardly with the idea, or had introduced an important aspect of why the idea is such a skilful ane. This will make the person feel proud of himself, and like he'southward still getting his own mode. This can be a footling catchy to pull off, simply if you can do it right, you'll be amazed by how much better this will brand the stubborn person feel. Here are some things you can say:
- "That'due south a great thought! I forgot about how much I love plum wine. The sushi place will definitely have that."
- "You're right -- we can meet upwards with Sarah and Mike this weekend. And you think Saturday nighttime is the all-time time to do information technology, don't you?"
- "That's so true -- I would miss our little farmer's market way as well much if we left Oakland."
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Be firm. The reason that stubborn people oft go their way is because the people around them often cave in and let them get exactly what they desire. This can exist for a number of reasons: you may think that the person volition throw a fit or sulk if he doesn't get his way, you may not have the energy to resist, or yous may even be convinced that the person must desire whatsoever you're arguing about more desperately than y'all practice. But remind yourself that the person is using inexpensive tactics to go his fashion, and that you lot're entitled to have things go your manner for in one case.
- If the person starts to become emotional or visibly upset, slow downwardly until the person feels more at-home, but don't just say, "Fine, fine, you can get your way, merely stop crying" -- this will show the person that he or she can manipulate your emotions and become yous to give up what you want easily.
- Existence business firm ways sticking to your side of the story and offering a rational, logical argument for why your idea is of import. It does not mean getting aggressive or yelling or name calling. Stubborn people are already defensive, and this kind of beliefs will merely make them experience more threatened.
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Give them information. Stubborn people are likewise afraid of the unknown. They may non want to do something just considering they've never done it before or because they're not used to breaking their routine. The more than you can tell them about the state of affairs, the amend they volition experience near it. They'll see that the affair you're proposing isn't then scary because they tin can have a sense of what it volition exist like. Here are some things yous can say:
- "The new sushi identify has a great deal on sashimi. It's a lot cheaper than the Italian place also. They also have an awesome big screen Tv set, and yous can grab the end of the game while we eat."
- "Sarah and Mike have the cutest little domestic dog -- you'll dear him. Mike is also really into craft beer and they have an crawly selection. They only alive xv minutes away, so it won't be a trek, either."
- "Did you know that rent in San Francisco is on average 100% higher than the rent in Oakland? How can we afford to live there?"
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Show them why it's important to you lot. If the stubborn person cares about you, and so he or she will be persuaded merely past hearing why the things y'all want would mean and then much to you. This will help them meet the state of affairs on a human being level, and they volition see that it's near more than near being wrong or right, but well-nigh giving you what you actually want and need. If you're in a human relationship with this person, and so helping them see why this would make you happy is a not bad move. Here are some things you tin say:
- "I've been craving sushi for weeks. Can nosotros please go? I can always go with Maria, just that but won't be every bit fun every bit going with you lot."
- "I'd actually like to spend more time with Sarah and Mike. You lot know I've been lone in our new neighborhood, and I'd love to have some more than friends."
- "I'd really love to live in Oakland for some other year. Commuting to work is and then easy for me, and I'd hate to have to wake up an hr earlier to get there."
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Remind them that it'due south your plow. If y'all're used to dealing with this particular stubborn person, so chances are, you have given in again and over again. It's fourth dimension to put your foot down and remind the person of all of the things you lot have given upward for him or her, whether it's big or small. Yous can do this without making them feel horrible, only y'all can actually show them the big motion-picture show and allow them come across that it's time that y'all got what you wanted. Hither are some things you can say:
- "Nosotros've gone to the eatery you've wanted to go to for the terminal five times nosotros hung out. Tin I pick, for once?"
- "We've hung out with your friends instead of mine for the last 3 weekends. Can we give my friends a run a risk this time?"
- "It was your idea to motion to Oakland, remember? Well, now it's my thought to stay put."
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Negotiate or compromise. You lot may non be able to go what you want completely, but you may be able to get the stubborn person to come across you halfway. Compromising or negotiating with the person tin help you persuade him to do what you want to do without fully giving in. If the person is truly stubborn, and so babe steps may be the mode to get, and you won't be able to convince the person to follow your plan overnight.[5] Here are some things you can say:
- "Okay, we can go to the Italian place tonight. But that means nosotros'll go to the sushi identify tomorrow night, right?"
- "How about we meet Sarah and Mike for a drink instead of coming over to their identify for dinner? We'll nevertheless hang out with them for a bit, just it won't take up our whole night."
- "I'd be open up to moving to Berkeley. It's more expensive than Oakland, only not every bit pricey as San Francisco, and there's always a lot going on there, too.
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Stay calm. If you really want to deal with a stubborn person and even have a chance of getting your style, then you can't let your emotions become the best of you. If y'all start getting visibly upset or even aroused, then the person will think that he won, considering you can't keep yourself in check. Take deep breaths, slow down, or even go out the room for a few minutes if you lot see yourself getting heated.[6] The stubborn person will be much more than likely to heed to y'all if you look at-home and collected, not angry or crazed.[vii]
- It's like shooting fish in a barrel to lose your cool when you're dealing with someone who is unwilling to practise what yous want or to alter. Merely remind yourself that the more likely you are to accept an outburst, the less probable the person volition be to meet your side of the story.
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Don't say that they're being stubborn. The last thing a stubborn person wants to hear is that he is stubborn. Stubborn people are defensive, and, well, stubborn, and if you lot even say this give-and-take effectually them, then they will mollusk upward and be even less likely to change. Don't say, "Why practice you take to be so stubborn!?" or the person will end listening to you. Resist the urge to say this word even if information technology's on the tip of your tongue.[viii]
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Notice mutual footing. Finding common footing with the person tin can help you persuade him to see things from your perspective.[nine] Stubborn people can experience a bit ganged upwards on and if you convince the person that you're both coming from the same identify, then he or she will exist much more than probable to listen to you and then if you accept wildly different opinions. Here are some things yous can say:
- "I completely agree that nosotros've been having productivity issues at the company. We definitely demand to find a solution here. However, I do call back that it has more than to exercise with a lack of employee satisfaction than with the new projects we've been assigned."
- "I concord that the people we've been hanging out with accept all been a piddling weird or deadening. But if we don't give new friends a chance, we'll never find people we really similar, will nosotros?"
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Ease them into change picayune by footling. If you have to deal with a stubborn person in the long term, then you accept to know that stubborn people don't like to dive head first into the unknown. They like to put their toes into the water and to slowly walk forrad. So, if you desire to convince a person close to y'all to endeavor something unlike, and so you have to get the person used to the thought petty past little until the person is fully comfortable with the state of affairs.
- For instance, if you lot have a slightly possessive friend who doesn't like the new friends yous made from your art grade, accept the person run into the friends 1 on ane for a short amount of time instead of throwing the person into your new friend group; this will make the person more probable to be excited about the new social state of affairs.
- If you're trying to convince your roommate to be more clean, then ask your roommate to practice the dishes every other day. Later on that, you can talk nearly taking out the trash more often, vacuuming the carpet, and so on.
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Pick your battles. This is key when dealing with stubborn people. You tin become stubborn people to give in on some occasions, and with the right approach, y'all can even convince them to brand some pretty large changes. Withal, if the person is truly stubborn, then it's unlikely that he or she will give in to your demands very often. And so, if you have a hard time getting a stubborn person to exercise what you want, then you should only inquire well-nigh the things yous really intendance about.
- Maybe you don't really care about picking the movie on date night; merely you may, however, care virtually where you go on your bound break trip. Salvage up for that.
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Break the pattern of always giving in. A stubborn person may keep to go his or her way effectually yous because you always end upward giving in. If you never say no, then why would the person desire to modify for y'all? And so, the next time you're negotiating something, even if it's every bit simple equally what movie to encounter, say that y'all're going to go on your own or go home if y'all don't become your mode. This will surprise the stubborn person then much that he or she will either give in or will start to retrieve of you as a person who can't be hands manipulated.
- If yous don't give in easily, the stubborn person will actually respect yous more and will be more probable to value your opinion.
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Don't beg or sound desperate. This is not a expert way to get the person to come effectually to your bespeak of view, no matter how badly you want things to go your way. If you feel that y'all've exhausted all of your resource and options, and then just walk away. There's no use in degrading yourself by begging and whining, and this will not only not work with a truly stubborn person, only it will be a trivial humiliating for you lot.
- If you want to convince a stubborn person to practise something, yous accept to take the rational arroyo. The emotional approach will only brand the person even less likely to agree with you.
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Be patient. It takes time to truly persuade a stubborn person, especially if you're trying to pause a stubborn design of behavior. It won't happen overnight, and yous take to remind yourself that you'll take to kickoff with the small stuff (what to watch on TV) before you can to move to the bigger problems (where to movement). Tell yourself that yous can alter the person little by little, only that you won't be able to brand him or her someone completely new.
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Maintain your confidence. Confidence is key when y'all're dealing with stubborn people. If you waver or bear witness some uncertainty in your own ideas, then the person will respect you lot less and volition be even less likely to listen to y'all. You take to human activity like your idea or perspective is the best thought ever (without beingness big-headed, of class), and the person volition exist more likely to call back you know your stuff. Don't let the person intimidate you into backing down or maxim that perhaps your own thought isn't so nifty.
- Keep your caput up, maintain eye contact, and don't let the person make you hunch over or look at the floor when you're talking. Maintaining a confident posture can go a long fashion in making your ideas sound confident.
- If y'all're nervous most what yous take to advise, practice information technology in accelerate. This volition make y'all sound more confident most your ideas when the time comes.
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Know when to requite up. Unfortunately, you may endeavour everything when y'all're dealing with the stubborn person and may become absolutely no results. If the stubborn person isn't budging an inch, listening to you at all, or willing to accept another perspective though you've tried providing more information, flattering him, being firm, and showing how much the decision would mean to yous, so it may be time to walk away. If you tin can't do any good, then you may only be doing impairment, and it's better to leave the situation if you know information technology's non going anywhere.[10]
- If you lot keep trying to make a stubborn person see your betoken of view to no avail at all, then you may cease up beingness the stubborn ane.
- Giving up on a stubborn person doesn't mean you're weak. Information technology just means that you have been rational and know when there'southward aught else that tin be done.
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Question
How do I deal with a stubborn girlfriend who always refuses to meet me in person?
If she refuses to meet you then she is not your girlfriend. Y'all should leave her alone and find someone who wants to be with you.
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Question
A woman I like a lot got upset because I didn't lend her coin. I loaned her money before. Now she won't talk to me. What do I do?
Calmly tell her you don't have enough money to loan to anyone right now - and tell her you accept been stressed out almost it, which is why you didn't offer it in the beginning place. You also could say that you lot don't feel comfortable loaning money to anyone at all; she should respect you every bit a friend.
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Question
I have a stubborn girlfriend who is a adept person, but she keeps wanting to interruption upwardly! What can I do?
If she is a practiced person, she might take a good reason to want to interruption up. If you lot tin can't convince her to stay with you then you might desire to see other people. She might be going through something that yous just can't help her with. Endeavour talking to her about it.
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Question
My grandmother's legs got infected by a cat scratch and she won't see a doctor about information technology. How do I convince her to go?
Call a doctor and and convince him/her to run across your grandmother at home.
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Question
My girlfriend never admits she is wrong and ever find a way to reverse a example dorsum on me. What should I do?
Talk to her almost the outcome. If she still doesn't run across it, yous may desire to re-evaluate your relationship.
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Question
How do I deal with a stubborn person who is older and uses this fact confronting me?
If he or she is a coworker or friend, abnegate his or her arguments logically.
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Question
How do I convince a friend he is not as bad as he thinks he is?
Margaret Cruz
Community Answer
Testify that they aren't as bad as they recollect they are. Requite examples of good things they've done, or explicate why what they did isn't and then bad. Hopefully if you give them actual evidence, they'll be more probable to believe you.
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Question
I accidentally pushed my friend'due south blood brother and she thinks I did information technology on purpose. Now she won't have my apology. What should I practise?
Ask to speak to her lonely and calmly explain what happened (write down what you are going to say beforehand and practise it). It's important that you speak to her alone, because she probably won't want to seem weak in front of other people. Don't let yourself get excited or riled up, and if she nonetheless refuses to talk to you lot after you have explained things, then she's not worth your time.
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Question
What practice I do if I take a stubborn younger sibling?
About younger siblings are stubborn. Endeavour to get through to them past using some of these tips, but if y'all go along to have a trouble, talk to your parents nearly the best way to deal with your younger sibling.
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Question
My beau is very stubborn. How do I get him to compromise before I lose my composure and dump him?
Talk to your boyfriend most how his stubbornness is affecting your relationship. When a disagreement arises, ask him to compromise. If he doesn't, keep your sophistication just move on to someone else.
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Don't try to fight if the person's stubbornness with emotion. Stick to logic.
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Fully sympathise both sides of the argument earlier confronting them.
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Forgive and forget- don't concord grudges against them as they only worsen the relationship.
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Stay patient when dealing with stubborn people. It may go necessary to avoid the person for awhile, but be sure to go along the lines of communication open.
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Be kind. Don't act angrily or irrationally as it won't assistance the state of affairs.
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The stubborn person y'all are dealing with is, most likely, is non a bad person. They're merely afraid of being wrong, and, in turn, having their their ego damaged. If none of these steps accept worked, don't pester them. It won't help your relationship or the issue. They are aware of their actions and might not want to hurt your relationship. If you truly demand aid resolving an important issue, seeking an outside source of help, for instance, a close friend, family member, or relationship therapist could aid y'all come to an understanding and strengthen your relationship.
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Article Summary X
Dealing with stubborn people can be difficult and frustrating, simply there are a few strategies yous tin use to make things easier. Effort showing them how a decision can benefit them to become them to think the determination is valid. For instance, if you're trying to convince a stubborn person to try a new eating place, you could say something like, "Permit's try that new taco identify. I know you dear churros, they're supposed to take the best in town." Information technology'southward likewise important that you stay calm and resist the temptation to get into an argument with a stubborn person. Instead, attempt to find common ground to aid them see things from your perspective. For example, you could say something similar, "I remember you're right nearly there being a problem, but I think in that location may exist a improve solution." For tips virtually how to negotiate or compromise with a stubborn person, continue reading!
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